Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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