Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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