Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
