I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
