he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
