Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
