Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
