hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
