I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
