Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
