I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
