Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
