I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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