What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have post one night stand depression
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