I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
