It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
