He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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