look no pants
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
