Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
