it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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