Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
