I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
