3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
