I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
