Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
