im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
