I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize