Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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