he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
