mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
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I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
