i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He passed out mid-signature
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
