I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
