Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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