some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
