it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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