Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
