In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
