wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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