i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
