I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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