I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
