i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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