She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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