let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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