So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
