Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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