um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
