Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
