i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
