I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
