my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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