I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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