I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
