The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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