last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
