I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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