Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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