Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
