Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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