mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
