just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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