My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
