My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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