Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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