I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
