I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want to be your penis for a week.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
