I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
