She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
