dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
