the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
