is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
